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Arizona's First Political Blog

E-mail Anonymous Mike at zonitics4-at-yahoo.com

By Anonymous Mike, pseudonymously.



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Monday, September 29, 2008
 
We're Talking About Baseball

Yes it's playoff time. Unfortunately the D'backs won't be there, but you really cannot play like my company softball team and expect to win your division. There's much wailing and gnashing of teeth in my household and my kids are looking for someone to blame. Personally, I blame D'back hitting coach Rick Schu because first the D'backs hit like crap after April and second because Mr. Schu and his under-performing ways has been a thorn in my side for close to 25 years.

Okay, the home town team is out who to root for or better yet, who to bet on?

I'll give each team an average based on its liklihood of winning uit all and their karma. Confused, you'll see....

First let's get rid of the dregs- Cubs, Red Sox, Dodgers. Oh sure, you say Cubs have the best record in the National League, the Red Sox are a budding dynasty, and the Dodgers have Joe Torre. Pish posh, each are fatally flawed.

Let's look at the Dodgers. Worst record of all playoff teams and that's with 6 players making more than $10 million and 4 others making $8 million or more, with that type of payroll you better have more than the 84 wins they received. For how many decades were the Dodgers a contender? La Sorda retired, Fox bought the team and fired the heir apparent (Bill Russell), and the team has been crap ever since. I'll give them a 1 of 5 for plausibility and a 1 for karma which gives them an average of .... 1.

Red Sox. I think once posted about the Sox, about how they were becoming Yankees North by being able to hoover up any ball player they needed to fill a hole, I mean who besides the Yankees would take a flier on a J.D. Drew $70 million. Plus after last season, they went from the magical miracle team of 2004 to a bunch of jerks, see Jonathan Papplebon. They are down a bit this year but they are a veteran team that you cannot even count out but here's the real reason, they'll flop... they are all a bunch of whiners, fans included. When I was growing up, all I knew about the Sox were their monster teams of the 70s and I feared them, then I learned all about the misery of the Sox fans and their "Curse." Well here's Curse 2.0, the ability to win games and a few Series but never to put them back-to-back (see 2005); the Yankees won 3 straight years and 4 of 5, that's a dynasty. Plausibility- 3, karma-0 which gives them 1.5.

Cubs. Loveable losers. When did we tolerate such crap in America? Was there no better image of the Cubs then in 2003 when Steve Bartman caught the ball and Moises Alou threw that hissy fit? Yeah losing and hissy fits are un-American. We need some symbols in this country and the Cubs should be held up as what happens when embrace mediocrity. Plausibility- 3, karma-0, so that's a 1.5.

Moving on...

Brewers: Love'em, nice to see them back as they haven't bveen here since the days of "Harvey's Wall Bangers." They went for broke early by trading for a rental on Sabbithia and axed the manager this month so you got to like the karma, also like the 2 arms in the rotation. However with that uneven line-up this is as close as they come. Plausibility- 2, karma- 4, which gives them a 3.

White Sox/Twins: Do you realize this division may not be decided until tomorrow? If the ChiSox win today, thery force a 1 game playoff with the Twins. I like the Sox's heart-of-the-order and their power, but their rotation is a little shaky. I also hate the fact that Carlos Quentin finally got his head together after the D'backs traded him to the Sox for a bag of beans. I like the Twins as well... you got to love a team that is in position to go to the postseason after losing both their best starting pitcher and one of their top position players, but just like the Sox they aren't going anywhere in the playoffs. For both, plausibility- 2, karma- 4 which is of course a 3.

Phillies: Love the hitting, love Ryan Howard. However they play in a bandbox of a park, Brad Lidge is returning to the postseason, and they feel it's appropriate to dress Charlie Manuel in a baseball uniform. Plus Rick Schu started his career in Philly. Plausibility- 4, karma-2, average- 3.

Rays: best story of the year, the D'backs's expansion twin; while Arizona has won 4 division titles in their ten years the Rays have never won more than 70 games. My kid's Little League team this year was the Devil Rays because as the coach put it, "Every team is the Cubs, Sox, or Diamondbacks. Nobody ever picks Tampa Bay." Well they got good starting pitching and defense up the middle and that hitting isn't half-bad. They also play in a mausoleum of a stadium, never seem to play in front of more than 20,000 of their own fans, and are now named after sunshine; so we'll see how they hold up in October. Plausibility- 3, karma- 5, which is a 4.

Btw... what is it with Florida teams and their nicknames. Take aside the NFL teams and the Marlins. In basketball you have the Magic and Heat, you also have the Lightning in the NHL. How in the hell do you have a mascot for such a name? Did you know that the Rays mascot is some sort of monster-like thing named Raymond? Of course the Suns have a gorilla for a mascot and the D'backs have a mascot named for a previous corporate sponsor of the ballpark.

Angels- good pitching, good hitting, and the best owner in baseball- Phoenix resident Arte Moreno. Has there been a better run team in baseball under his leadership? Plausibility- 4, karma -5.