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By Anonymous Mike, pseudonymously.

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Thursday, January 17, 2008
Chandler is the Soul of the East Valley

It is a rare day when I feel the need to criticize the fine work of the ExUrban boys but I can hardly let the anti-Chandler slurs of ExUrbanJon go uncontested.

I lived for 10 blissful years in Chandler and only left when I was forced by the bonds of holy wedlock to move to Phoenix. It is unfortunate that even a great city like Chandler has miscreants such as the one that Jon mentions; those who break into homes and curse in front of small children. However we all know that when a Chandler criminal crosses into Mesa for his nefarious work, he raises both the social and intellectual mean of that destination.

Once upon a time, the only reason a Chandler resident had reason to travel to Mesa was to get on the freeway or to shop at Home Depot. Given the advance of modern civilization with its plethora of new freeways and new big box stores, there really is no reason for anyone from Chandler (or anyone else in America) to ever travel to Mesa.

Let's do a quick tale of the tape between Chandler and Mesa:

  • Shopping destinations: Chandler has the luxurious Chandler Fashion Center with stores such as Nordstroms and the Apple Store while Mesa has Fiesta Mall, best known for its decaying neighborhood and as the place where they shot the Billy Bob Thornton movie "Bad Santa"
  • City services: Chandler city government resides on a strong tax base, enabling it to provide its residents with a solid range of useful services. Mesa on the other hand veers from one city financial crisis to another and yet still finds the resources to inflict light rail on its citizens and send inspectors to measure the size of signs in donut shop windows.
  • Civic freedoms: Mesa is well known for its eminent domain abuses, believing that the way to building a downtown everyone can be proud of was to run Bailey's Brake Shop out of business and convert it into an Ace Hardware. Chandler on the other hand came to respectful development settlements with both commercial cornerstones of its downtown, Guedo's Taco Shop and Jack in the Box.
  • Entertainment: Mesa has the Mesa Fine Arts Center while there is Chandler Liquor which promises to sell "Liquor, Guns, and Picnic Supplies" (or they did until they changed their sign.) How would you prefer to spend your weekend?
  • Sports: Admittedly this is where Chandler falls short as it lost its Spring Training team, the Brewers, 10 years ago to Phoenix while Mesa continues to host the Cubs every year. Of course the flip side is that Chandler no longer has the Brewers within city limits while Mesa turns into "Losertown West" every March.
Besides I have it on good authority that the miscreant in question had originally sneaked in to Chandler from the Devil's Playground, a.k.a. Gilbert.